Cupid Sighting!

This Is A Warning!

Cupid has been spotted! With her bow and arrows she strikes couples in love. Her darts dipped in kisses and dreams for the future send a normal person into a state of love sickness.

You Have Been Warned!

Valentines Day is right around the corner, she will be lurking around every corner ready to strike! Guard your hearts! She is armed and dangerous! DO NOT APPROACH!

I captured these images of this cupid stalking her next victims poised and ready to strike!!!!

        YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WARNED!!

logo-2602She May Appear Cute and Cuddly, but Make No Mistake She is Dangerous! 

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logo-2649If Attacked By Cupid The Only Cure Is Chocolate!!! 

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” I Have Changed” : Going to School the Second Time Around

I have changed so much! This thought came to my mind as I walked through the college campus. It had been five years since I graduated from college with my Bachelors degree in Political Science. I honestly did not think five years was really that much time! Looking at my surroundings I realized how much I had changed! The classes were taught in the same manner (though it was a different school than I first attended). My mindset was completely different then it had been before.

In those five years; I had been married, had a child, worked several jobs, traveled, and matured. I had seen the reality of the world. The honest truth is that going to school is harder for me now then it was before. I have so much responsibility at home. A child and husband that rely on me. I am excited to be changing my field and getting myself out of the professional rut I have been in for the last several years, but deep down I am also scared. What if I can not do it all? What if I don’t do well? What if my husband and daughter suffer because of my classes?

The “what ifs” invaded my thoughts. I was doing everything I can to manage my life. My classes are in the evening to leave time for finding a job. I make dinner before I leave for school so that I know that my husband and daughter are eating a warm healthy meal every day. As soon as my husband comes home from work I leave for school!

My special honors metal

The thought of rush hour traffic and the possibility of being late to class filled me with dread! This was my first day and I was already feeling overwhelmed. My heart was racing. I felt like I could not take a full breath. I even felt a bit light headed. I felt agitated!  My clothes on my skin bothered me! The couch I was sitting on suddenly felt very uncomfortable! My thoughts raced. I was mad at myself! I was getting all worked up for 8 units. I had taken 19 each semester back during my bachelors! I am a perfectionist! I did very well in college making Deans list every semester! I needed to do that now as well.

School was so much simpler when I was 21. Yes the lessons were difficult but it was just me that I had to worry about! I went to school, worked, did homework, ate out, spent time with my friends and roommates. College were some of the very best years of my life. I met my husband in college and was married the weekend before graduating. I could sleep when I wanted, study when I wanted, eat when and where I wanted. I was not responsible for anyone!

College the second time around is a very different story! I have to keep my daughter entertained while I quiz myself with flashcards. You have no idea how many questions a four year old has in ten minutes! I have to make sure the house is clean, the laundry is done, food is cooked. I can not just escape to a quiet library and loose myself to studying. We are spending valuable money on this schooling and I need to do well.

I am trying to get into a very competitive nursing program, only 40 students are accepted and hundreds apply every semester. Admission to the program is based heavily on the grades of the prerequisites that I am currently taking! I need to do well! Very well! I have one year of prerequisites before I apply to the Sacramento State Nursing Program. These are classes I have never taken before. Science classes!  I was a liberal art major, no science here! Organic Chemistry is the class I am most concerned about and it is my first class!

I pushed down all that anxiety! I told myself to just work hard. I have done it before!

My husband came home and I rushed to the car and drove to school. I had to literally run to class, but I made it with three minutes to spare! I sat down and once the professor started talking I felt my anxiety melt away. Yes the lesson will be hard and it will take some extra work on my part, but I can do this! I will do this! I WANT to do this! 

I  realized I have changed for the better. My experiences will help me persevere against challenges. I know what is at stake. I am excited for my new journey!  I am excited to be sharing this journey with my daughter! She will learn the value of education at a young age! She already tells me that when she is a Doctor I can be HER nurse! lol

My husband and I at my college graduation in 2010

“Do you Know Him?”

Me and my very Punjabi looking daughter

Last weekend my husband and I went to the Gurdwara, we go nearly every weekend. This specific weekend we had dropped off our daughter Nasreen at our friend’s house for a day of fun with them and their daughter. For the first time in a long time, I was without my very Punjabi looking child at the Gurdwara. I always felt confident having my daughter with me, like my reason for being there made more sense. I am always the only gorri (white) in that Gurdwara.

After the service we went to the Langar Hall for lunch. Langar is a shared meal that is very important in Sikhism. We sat down together on the floor, like everyone else, with our food and started to eat. Two little girls were walking around giving cups of water to people. The girls must have been 4 and 6 years old. This is common for people to come around refreshing peoples waters and food, it is considered a community service. The girls came to us and stopped.

The elder girl said ” hey your not Indian, your English”. I really didnt know what to say. I had never really been called out like this before. I knew people looked but no one ever said anything. I said “yeah I’m not Indian”. I really wanted to clarify that I was not English, but American. I knew that this would complicate things further. They then pointed at my husband, an Indian, and said ” do you know him?”. We both laughed it was a bit awkward. I said ” yeah hes my husband”. Both girls looked completely shocked! ” But your English and hes Indian!” We both answered “yeah….and?”. What do you say to that? The girls then started to talk and gesture how my skin was a different color then his. They asked me if ” I spoke Indian”. I laughed at this because of the misuse of the term. I said ” Yeah I speak some Punjabi” and then repeated that same phrase in Punjabi. ” Mainu thordi thordi Punjabi Onde Haan” . The girls looked so shocked.

This was a unique chance to really hear what a child had to say about our inter-racial relationship, without the politically correct parents hushing them. Kids are honest, they say what they mean.

I wanted so badly to ask her questions. Did her parents say these things? Is it seen as unexceptionable for a Punjabi to be with a non-Punjabi? Were these her own independent observations? Was it simply the fact that we did not match? Was it the fact she had never seen a Gorri in a Gurdwara and definitely had never seen one married to a Punjabi man.

The girls were called by someone and they left. I did not get to ask my questions and the girls were gone. Later when I threw away the disposable plates I heard the little girl talking to an adult about me. She pointed at me saying ” Thats the English girl, see!!”

It was a very uncomfortable feeling being watched like that. I know that I stood out. I am very vigilant of my appearances. I make sure my chunni is always just right and I keep my daughter behaved. Other kids can run around the Gurdwara, but not my child. I dont want to be the Gorri with the rude child. I used to think that these feeling were all in my head. The conversation with that child made me realize that there was truth to my feelings.  I did stand out and I was being judged. My presence was noted by those in the community.

I am unsettled by the girl’s comments. I know that she is just a child, and children say things without thinking. It just makes me wonder what are children being taught by their parents? Will my daughter be treated any different at the Punjabi school on Sundays because her mother is white. Will she face issues at the American school because her father is Punjabi?

These are the issues that most people dont think about when having a bi-racial child. To be honest I am more worried about the criticisms in the Punjabi culture then in the American culture. The United States, especially California is very mixed and diverse. People inter-marry constantly here. Punjbai culture is not! Most Punjabis we know have arranged marriages still. Our “love” mixed marriage is very rare in my husband’s culture.

Yes I know him, my husband 🙂

That little girl’s observations really showed me the type of thinking that is occurring in this community. I am hopeful that as we continue our marriage others will see the beauty of our union and know that is not weird or strange or taboo. That people of all colors, ethnicity, and religions can fall in love and be happy.

My Daughter’s Room

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My daughter’s room is the happiest place in the house

It is filled with light and colors

The toys beg to be played with

The walls tell a story of fun and learning

There are books filled with adventure

An easel telling the story of her mind

Her bed is a sanctuary of comfort and warmth

At night her room becomes a starry sky

This is HER place

A place to dream, to learn, to play

A place to feel safe

A place to grow

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My daughter’s room is my favorite place in the whole world

When I am invited into her space I feel her joy

It is an intoxicating feeling of potential and optimism

A feeling of love and creativity

I feel at peace in her room

It is here that I truly feel God

Not in a church, temple, or sanctuary

But in the bedroom of my daughter

I am surrounded by the warmth of the Lord’s embrace

It is my daughter’s pure soul the beckons the Lord here

I soak in the light and the love

I know that my daughter feels this as well

She emerges from her room

Facing the world

Ready to share her love

Her Light

Her mind

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My 2015 New Year’s Resolutions

Like thousands of people around the world, I am sitting down and writing a list of resolutions/promises/goals for 2015. I know that in most cases people do not follow through with these goals. It is said that New Year’s Resolutions are often a waste of time. I personally like the idea of having something I am working towards for an entire calender year. I am writing these resolutions here on my blog so that it is public and therefore I am more apt to follow through. This year I have made very specific goals that I can actually achieve. In the past I have left them vague, such as loose weight, without a specific goal in mind or a means of doing it. This year these goals are specific and some may lead to other goals being accomplished.

1. Log every single thing I eat on ” my fitness pal” website for a whole year never missing a day. I need to loose weight desperately! I am tired of trying to find clothes in my size, being judged for my weight, and really not liking what I see in the mirror.The best way for me to loose weight is to control the food that I eat everyday. To stay within a healthy calorie limit, fulfill my needs for protein, fiber and vitamins. To control snacking, sugar consumption, and avoid overeating. My fitness pal is a wonderful application on my phone that lets me log all my food, exercise and weight changes. I can connect with other trying to loose weight as well. I find when I log my food I make smarter choices. In the past I have started this program but quit on a day I overate, being ashamed to log it. My goal is to log even on those days! To stay aware of what I am consuming. So my goal this year is to LOG, which I hope leads to losing weight.

Our first hike of the year, promoting active lifestyle

2. Walk 15 miles a week. I love to walk and I find that I do better when I walk instead of going to a gym. Gyms are boring and confining to me, I dread it. The weather in Sacramento is generally nice in the winter, so I will use that time to walk. I love the sights and the sounds of walking outside. There is a path my husband, daughter, and I walk that is 5 miles round trip. My daughter can ride her bike which is fun for her and gives us some bonding time. If I do this just three times a week I have completed this goal. I plan on doing more then this, but this is my minimum. I need something realistic. We also plan as a family to be more active, play sports, and hike.

 3. Find a job. Since moving to Sacramento I have been unemployed and I very much need to find a new job. I hope to complete this goal sooner rather then later. The problem is finding something that can pay for child care and come out with an income as well.

 4. Drink a gallon of water everyday: I am terrible at drinking water. I know that my body is often dehydrated. I pledge to fill a gallon jug every day and finish all the water in it. I hope that this leads to better health, hydration, and weight loss.

New years Eve was spent watching movies and putting puzzles together. It was wonderful!

 5. Spend dedicated time with my daughter and husband. I feel like my attention is often split between chores, internet, phone calls, cooking, and other activities. I multitask during time with them, and I want to give my dedicated time. I want to be completely present.  I know this will be hard for me, because I am a multitask-er, but these people deserve my time and attention.

6. Do well in school. I am going back to school. I have a Bachelor’s degree in political science but I have had a hard time making a real living with this degree. I had the choice of either furthering my current degree with a masters or Phd, or changing completely. I have decided to pursue my dream of being a nurse. So back to school I go! I have to complete some prerequisites before I apply for a Bachelors in Nursing program at the local State college. This process will take about three years, but I am excited for the journey. I am taking Organic Chemistry and Nutrition this semester and I am excited but nervous. Its been 5 years since I graduated from college, and that was with a liberal arts degree not hard sciences that are required for nursing. My goal is to do as well as I can because admission to the nursing program requires very good grades in the pre-requisite classes.

7. Take time to read. I love to read but internet, facebook, and Netflix has reduced my reading time! I am taking the time to sit and read and be inspired by other writers and their journey’s!

8. To keep writing. Blogging has really changed my life and has given me a unique creative outlet. This year I plan on pushing the limits of my writing and write about topics that I have avoided. To be even more candid and forthcoming! To truly write about what matters to me! My goal is to really WRITE!

9. Be inspired and stay positive. This is my most important resolution because it supports all the others! I am dedicated towards being positive about my journey, over coming set backs, and persevering! I think its easy to get down and become pesmisitc. I want to be hopeful and happy. To see the good through the bad. I want optimism in my life. It will take work, but I am avoiding negativity this 2015.

I wish everyone a happy prosperous 2015! 

What are some of your goals for the New Year? 

How do you keep motivated?