I have changed so much! This thought came to my mind as I walked through the college campus. It had been five years since I graduated from college with my Bachelors degree in Political Science. I honestly did not think five years was really that much time! Looking at my surroundings I realized how much I had changed! The classes were taught in the same manner (though it was a different school than I first attended). My mindset was completely different then it had been before.
In those five years; I had been married, had a child, worked several jobs, traveled, and matured. I had seen the reality of the world. The honest truth is that going to school is harder for me now then it was before. I have so much responsibility at home. A child and husband that rely on me. I am excited to be changing my field and getting myself out of the professional rut I have been in for the last several years, but deep down I am also scared. What if I can not do it all? What if I don’t do well? What if my husband and daughter suffer because of my classes?
The “what ifs” invaded my thoughts. I was doing everything I can to manage my life. My classes are in the evening to leave time for finding a job. I make dinner before I leave for school so that I know that my husband and daughter are eating a warm healthy meal every day. As soon as my husband comes home from work I leave for school!
The thought of rush hour traffic and the possibility of being late to class filled me with dread! This was my first day and I was already feeling overwhelmed. My heart was racing. I felt like I could not take a full breath. I even felt a bit light headed. I felt agitated! My clothes on my skin bothered me! The couch I was sitting on suddenly felt very uncomfortable! My thoughts raced. I was mad at myself! I was getting all worked up for 8 units. I had taken 19 each semester back during my bachelors! I am a perfectionist! I did very well in college making Deans list every semester! I needed to do that now as well.
School was so much simpler when I was 21. Yes the lessons were difficult but it was just me that I had to worry about! I went to school, worked, did homework, ate out, spent time with my friends and roommates. College were some of the very best years of my life. I met my husband in college and was married the weekend before graduating. I could sleep when I wanted, study when I wanted, eat when and where I wanted. I was not responsible for anyone!
College the second time around is a very different story! I have to keep my daughter entertained while I quiz myself with flashcards. You have no idea how many questions a four year old has in ten minutes! I have to make sure the house is clean, the laundry is done, food is cooked. I can not just escape to a quiet library and loose myself to studying. We are spending valuable money on this schooling and I need to do well.
I am trying to get into a very competitive nursing program, only 40 students are accepted and hundreds apply every semester. Admission to the program is based heavily on the grades of the prerequisites that I am currently taking! I need to do well! Very well! I have one year of prerequisites before I apply to the Sacramento State Nursing Program. These are classes I have never taken before. Science classes! I was a liberal art major, no science here! Organic Chemistry is the class I am most concerned about and it is my first class!
I pushed down all that anxiety! I told myself to just work hard. I have done it before!
My husband came home and I rushed to the car and drove to school. I had to literally run to class, but I made it with three minutes to spare! I sat down and once the professor started talking I felt my anxiety melt away. Yes the lesson will be hard and it will take some extra work on my part, but I can do this! I will do this! I WANT to do this!
I realized I have changed for the better. My experiences will help me persevere against challenges. I know what is at stake. I am excited for my new journey! I am excited to be sharing this journey with my daughter! She will learn the value of education at a young age! She already tells me that when she is a Doctor I can be HER nurse! lol