” I Have Changed” : Going to School the Second Time Around

I have changed so much! This thought came to my mind as I walked through the college campus. It had been five years since I graduated from college with my Bachelors degree in Political Science. I honestly did not think five years was really that much time! Looking at my surroundings I realized how much I had changed! The classes were taught in the same manner (though it was a different school than I first attended). My mindset was completely different then it had been before.

In those five years; I had been married, had a child, worked several jobs, traveled, and matured. I had seen the reality of the world. The honest truth is that going to school is harder for me now then it was before. I have so much responsibility at home. A child and husband that rely on me. I am excited to be changing my field and getting myself out of the professional rut I have been in for the last several years, but deep down I am also scared. What if I can not do it all? What if I don’t do well? What if my husband and daughter suffer because of my classes?

The “what ifs” invaded my thoughts. I was doing everything I can to manage my life. My classes are in the evening to leave time for finding a job. I make dinner before I leave for school so that I know that my husband and daughter are eating a warm healthy meal every day. As soon as my husband comes home from work I leave for school!

My special honors metal

The thought of rush hour traffic and the possibility of being late to class filled me with dread! This was my first day and I was already feeling overwhelmed. My heart was racing. I felt like I could not take a full breath. I even felt a bit light headed. I felt agitated!  My clothes on my skin bothered me! The couch I was sitting on suddenly felt very uncomfortable! My thoughts raced. I was mad at myself! I was getting all worked up for 8 units. I had taken 19 each semester back during my bachelors! I am a perfectionist! I did very well in college making Deans list every semester! I needed to do that now as well.

School was so much simpler when I was 21. Yes the lessons were difficult but it was just me that I had to worry about! I went to school, worked, did homework, ate out, spent time with my friends and roommates. College were some of the very best years of my life. I met my husband in college and was married the weekend before graduating. I could sleep when I wanted, study when I wanted, eat when and where I wanted. I was not responsible for anyone!

College the second time around is a very different story! I have to keep my daughter entertained while I quiz myself with flashcards. You have no idea how many questions a four year old has in ten minutes! I have to make sure the house is clean, the laundry is done, food is cooked. I can not just escape to a quiet library and loose myself to studying. We are spending valuable money on this schooling and I need to do well.

I am trying to get into a very competitive nursing program, only 40 students are accepted and hundreds apply every semester. Admission to the program is based heavily on the grades of the prerequisites that I am currently taking! I need to do well! Very well! I have one year of prerequisites before I apply to the Sacramento State Nursing Program. These are classes I have never taken before. Science classes!  I was a liberal art major, no science here! Organic Chemistry is the class I am most concerned about and it is my first class!

I pushed down all that anxiety! I told myself to just work hard. I have done it before!

My husband came home and I rushed to the car and drove to school. I had to literally run to class, but I made it with three minutes to spare! I sat down and once the professor started talking I felt my anxiety melt away. Yes the lesson will be hard and it will take some extra work on my part, but I can do this! I will do this! I WANT to do this! 

I  realized I have changed for the better. My experiences will help me persevere against challenges. I know what is at stake. I am excited for my new journey!  I am excited to be sharing this journey with my daughter! She will learn the value of education at a young age! She already tells me that when she is a Doctor I can be HER nurse! lol

My husband and I at my college graduation in 2010

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7 thoughts on “” I Have Changed” : Going to School the Second Time Around

  1. You can do it, Tina! Remember past performance is the best indicator of future performance! You’ve worked hard before and succeeded. This time you have a daughter and husband that you’re working for, stakes are higher, and I know you can do it. Good luck, and I hope you continue to blog. Also, tell your profs that you have to commute in rush hour, after DH gets home, so they realize why you might be a few mins late. I hate bring late, too. Worst feeling ever. Take care! Susan

  2. Oh my gosh, there are many parallels to our life story. I also went to nursing school and it was very different experience from getting a BA. The thing to remember is that there is a lot of memorizing, and these pre-requisites are the foundation to understanding all of the other classes to come. Best of luck!

  3. First of all, let me say I am SO happy to have found your blog. I too, am with a punjabi sikh (not married, yet!), and I see a lot of myself in many of your posts. I’m so excited to read more.

    Secondly, congrats on the whole school things. I too am back in after getting my BA. Let’s hope 2015 is a good year for us both! =)

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